then i guess it must NOT be love..

when you are not the first thing in their head when they wake up, when they can go days without seeing you or touching you, when other things are always more important than spending time with you, when a phone call is to hard to keep for more than two minutes, when you feel its not worth trying anymore,..

when?... not yet...

I don't have to leave anymore
What I have is right here
Spend my nights and days before
Searching the world for what's right here

Underneath and unexplored
Islands and cities I have looked
Here I saw
Something I couldn't over look

I am yours now
So now I don't ever have to leave
I've been found out
So now I'll never explore

See what I've done
That bridge is on fire
Going back to where I've been
I'm froze by desire
No need to leave

Where would I be
IF this were to go under
It's a risk I'd take
I'm froze by desire
As if a choice I'd make

I am yours now
So now I don't ever have to leave
I've been found out
So now I'll never explore

why don't we talk...

Now here you go again, you say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down
It's only right that you should play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost
And what you had
And what you lost

Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say, women they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean you'll know, you'll know

Now here I go again, I see the crystal visions
I keep my visions to myself
It's only me who wants to wrap around your dreams and
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?
Dreams of loneliness like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost
And what you had
And what you lost

i'm feeling better

I am not sure how this happened. at least now i don't have that many thoughts in my head. i feel less anxious.

i think

i think i've done a good thing

let it snow, let it snow...

no matter how bad the world is treating me right now, snow always makes me smile.

lame

my blog that is

one thing...

on thing the horoscope doesn't tell you about taurus: cowards. every single one of them.

the morning benders

why i love this band? not only is their music easy on your ears, they are also easy on the eyes. chris is a genius. i wish them the best of luck <3

Yours Truly Presents: The Morning Benders "Excuses" from Yours Truly on Vimeo.

last time i saw you...

you gave me flowers and a cake for my birthday. jokingly you said it was for my birthday, christmas, new years, valentines... maybe you weren't joking... faith was an illusion...

how my brain works or not

why do i still feel so sad and lonely? i thought it was all because of my period but that is over and out with. i feel really anxious. i want to do things. many things. but i feel like school is holding me down. (dang it, i forgot to play the lottery). before i can move anywhere or do anything i need to finish school. come on now. i know this. grr... i only have 2 more years... then i can go anywhere in the world that i want to. options: japan, england, colombia, maybe korea, or just back to the states. gee, i'm pretty damn lucky. i will stop bitchin now.

feeling selfish

i am annoyed that my cousin is going to name her baby Amelia. Amelia is my grandma's name. She raised ME. I should be entitled to that name. my cousin grew up in ecuador. she barely knew mita. oh and to make things worse, my other cousin wants to name her baby Amelia as well. good thing she isn't pregnant yet. anyway, IF i ever have a baby and it's a girl, her name is going to be Amelia. And unlike my cousins, I will have tons of stories to tell her about her great grand mother 'mita'. holler!

red lips

the kind i get after a long make-out session.

what to do when depression starts lurking...?

you set goals.
you start working out.
you are determined to lose 10-15 lbs.
you once again start training for that marathon.
then you realize how fucking lonely you are and everything comes crashing down.
yeah that is what happened exactly 6 years ago.
hey it beats getting wasted all the time like 2 years ago...

i am really having a hard time :'(

it looks [better] like this

there's a place I'd like to go somewhere out [east],
it's not specific, and the pictures show it best.
I know there's trees I know there's sand and I know there's grass,
I know it's somewhere in the past.
There's a [boy] out there who's lookin for it too,
[he's] not sure when [he'll] go or exactly what [he'll] do.
If i am doomed am I the first on or the last?
Am I just someone from the past?

oh wow... sad

thanks to a certain man i will be a fuck up for the rest of my life and there is nothing i can do about it.
fuck you luis alfredo chala.

a good man

mark nakayama ~ he listens
me, みか、brett, jon miller and an unidentified bass player are starting a band. all of our lyrics will be in japanese. even if we don't know how to speak japanese. please, please come to our shows.



thank you

いたい

...

my backyard

i am an immigrant

C is listening...
A: do you know about the dreamact?
B: no, what's that?
A: it's a petition to allow the children of illegal immigrants to attend college
B: what about a petition so i can get money?
A: what do you mean?
B: well, my parents make too much money so i cannot get financial aid
A: oh no, that's horrible. but won't your parents give you money?
B: no, they want me to work. they say that is how they did it, so i can do it too.
A: oh...
B: so i will sign a petition that will give me money. i don't want money to be given to illegal immigrants
A: oh no, the petition is not about money
B: oh?... so what is it then?
C: the petition is to allow the children of illegal immigrants to attend college after they graduate high school. the way the law works right now doesn't allow them to get any further education after high school.
B: oh! no way! i don't want to go to school with illegal immigrants! this petition is not for me
B walks away..

listen you mother fucking B: stop being such a selfish piece of shit. you are just as much as an immigrant and those children are. did you forget that the only natives of america are natives americas which there aren't many left because of people like you?! you just got lucky and were born as an 'american'. i am glad your parents aren't giving you any money. i hope you starve to death (of course that is not going to happen). these people have the same right as you do to further their education. college is not like high school. you go to college because you want to. you have to pay for it. a lot of money too. you get kicked out if you suck. so if these people join you in college it is because they are people well worth the opportunity.

unfortunately i wasn't able to tell that piece of shit the above. i was on the clock, and it wasn't worth losing my job cause of him. it just helps me dislike this country a little bit more. hopefully, i only have less than a year left here, and i don't want to come back.

01/27 RT

god. i hate it that i have to post about yesterday. i guess i don't really HAVE to but i want to... but i don't.
so yesterday... rtf was as usually boring. oh yeah, i stunk! when i got to class. reason being: i walked to school from the post office which isn't very close. i powered walked it too cause i was already late for class. haha it was so embarrassing when i took my jacket off. i was really hopping no one could smell me. so i kept my arms down. i think i might of been successful. wait. what? no no no... rtf class was today. i'm so confused. it was my psychology class i was late to yesterday. jeah. i guess that class gets kind of boring too, but it's eaaasy. after that i worked. nothing exciting happened at work, although, i found out that simon's now sells soups. did you know i LOVE soup? yeah, so i had a chix tortilla soup. not bad, not bad... it had corn. i like chewing corn. after that was biology and it was coooool because i did a lab and i understood everything that i was doing. that's rare. that's awesome. after class i walked to silhou, drank some wine, chatted with the ladies and got a ride home from mika.

not a very eventful day, but necessarily boring either. and i must admit i was afraid, no no, nervous walking by the capital.

anyway... i was wine tired so i didn't feel like typing this useless information last night.

now.. today... hmm...

you got me...

today i woke up before my alarm clock went off, but i still managed to be late to class. class started at 2:50pm. i woke up before 9:30am.

i just had 2.75 glasses of wine. delish wine. i really want to talk about what happened today, but i really can't remember. all i know is that right now i feel kind of uneasy. a friend that i really care about told me that his grandpa is in bad shape. last thing i heard about it was that he [my friend] drove two hours to where his grandpa lives. i haven't heard from him since. i just really hope everything is okay.

im supposed to go to kickboxing class tomorrow at 7am, but i'll pass. this wine feels good and bed sounds great.

おやすみなさい。。。

so much to say but no one to listen

now that i am back in school i have decided to update my blog regularly. nothing fancy, just thoughts that pop up, feelings that need to come out, random things that happen, things that make me smile and things that make me frown... here goes nothing:

today:
- how many times does one get to eat home made french fries for breakfast? this year, once so far.
- trf class is extremely boring on day 2. it must be because it is extremely easy.
- i completed all my paper work for summer and fall/spring financial aid. tuj is slowly receiving all of my paperwork.
- i enjoy walking long distances when the weather is nice. today was nice.
- while working: i saw dongook, i watched skins, i saw john, i helped a blind girl find a table, i exchanged some words with the guy on the wheelchair, i met brandon. brandon said he is going to come visit me again.
- japanese class seems to be easier. i just need to stay on top of it.
- i said i enjoy walking long distances when the weather is nice. on my way home and girl jogging tripped and fell. i helped her get up and handed her back her phone. i'm sure she was embarrassed, that's why she kept running after she got up.
- there is a new locally owned coffee shop 2 blocks away from place. it's a trailer in an empty parking lot with delicious coffee, organic goods and cash only. the barista said he would do extended credit too :)
- going to bed rather early. tomorrow is another day.

-----

oh yeah: fuck you sorority girls with your fake tans and your annoying voice and your perfect hair with perfect make up and nike shorts. i hate your numerous group photos and your fake smiles with stuck up attitudes. i'm sticking with the common people.